Sex-Positivity – Self-Love – Starting the Revolution
I always assumed that sex would be strictly a component of a committed relationship for me. I support all sorts of sexual choices for other people, but I just never saw myself being comfortable having sex with a non-boyfriend. But, now that I stop to think about it, that was a standard I set for myself when I was very solidly in a relationship. A relationship that involved sex, and plenty of it. Ten months out of that relationship, I realized that I missed having sex. A lot.
So I started to think… might I ever feel okay sleeping with someone outside of a committed and loving relationship? Using a close girlfriend as a sounding board, I quickly came to the realization that the bond I had shared with my ex was an incredibly high standard to meet. I really don’t expect to find someone with whom I shared such passion, love, and mutual respect for a long time. So in the interim, was I going to compare every guy I ever met to this awesome relationship and deprive myself of the potential to develop a vibrant new sex life?
I realized that, if I stopped making unrealistic comparisons, I might come to the point where I could enjoy sex with someone even outside of a relationship. No longer wondering if everything would feel less fulfilling without commitment and love, I would be able to go from no sexual satisfaction to much more sexual satisfaction. And perhaps more importantly, I would be able to discover new sides of my sexual desires that I didn’t get in a relationship—the thrill of sleeping with someone you barely know, the excitement of a new partner, and so on.
And so, upon returning to campus after a spring break filled with contemplation, I met a cute guy (a friend of a friend) at a bar on St. Patrick’s Day. We hit it off pretty quickly, and by the end of the night, we found ourselves alone, just the two of us, at the door to his apartment. We went in. It was exciting, and fast, and enthusiastic. “Just so you know,” I muttered in his ear as he reached to unbutton my skinny jeans, “I’m not comfortable having sex right now.” “Okay,” he answered simply.
Because hey, I now know myself well enough to let myself have sex outside of a relationship. But when I’m ready, and only then. And who knows—if the flirty texts I’ve received in the past few days are any indication, I may be writing a follow-up post soon, this time with a very different ending.