Desmystifying Labels: Bisexual
This is the beginning of a periodic series of posts on identity labels and terms, which will try to both define and explore the language of self-identification in ways that will demystify and destigmatize it. Keep in mind when reading these posts that WYTWY does not speak for the whole world. So don’t take these definitions out into the real world and assume that everyone who identifies with a particular word feels the same way about their identity! Without further ado, let’s start demystifying…
Bisexual is simultaneously one of the most common, most recognized, and least understood sexual orientation labels. In the most basic sense, individuals who identify as bisexual recognize that they are attracted to more than one gender—in other words, they are not monosexual in any direction.
From Womanist-musings.com
This identification can be confusing, and lots of bisexual people (myself included) have been repeatedly confronted with stereotypes about bisexual identity that may apply to some people, but are certainly irrelevant to others. A brief list of things that bisexual does not necessarily mean:
- That the individual in question has had sexual encounters with both men and women
- That the individual experiences an even 50/50 split in their attractions to men and women
- That the individual is “confused” about their sexuality
- That the individual is indiscriminately attracted to everyone (no joke, my dad thought this)
- That the individual also identifies as polyamorous
- That the individual is both bisexual and biromantic (sexually and romantically attracted to more than one gender)
Bisexual individuals can identify with any of the characteristics above, but they can also identify with none of them. Some bisexual people are more attracted to one gender over another, and others are bisexual but are only interested in having relationships with members of one gender. Just like monosexual people, we can be monogamous or polyamorous, and we can be having lots of sex or none at all.
And then, to add to this list of relatively benevolent confusion regarding bisexuality, there’s a rampant wave of biphobia that runs through all communities, straight and queer.
From Devilslittlesister.deviantart.com
For various reasons—the invisibility of bisexuality in predominantly gay- or straight-identified circles, the prevalence of female bisexuality in porn and pop culture, etc.—many clearly false (and often offensive) stereotypes about bisexual people have been circulated throughout mainstream society. Here’s a brief list of things bisexuality definitely doesn’t mean:
- That the individual is “slutty,” and likely to be unfaithful in a relationship
- That bisexual men are actually gay, but haven’t admitted it yet
- That bisexual women are actually straight, but say they’re bi for the attention
- That bisexual women kiss other women as a performance for the benefit of straight men
- That all bisexual people want to have threesomes
- That the individual is more likely to have sexually transmitted infections due to promiscuity
More confusion arises about bisexuality because of the variety of terms encompassed under the nonmonosexual label, such as pansexual, omnisexual, ambisexual, bicurious, trisexual, flexible, etc. These terms differ in subtle and complex ways from one another, but all of them share the important overarching characteristic of signifying that the individual in question is attracted to people of more than one gender. That’s what it comes down to, after all. Most simply, bisexual people just aren’t monosexual, and all other assumptions about their orientations are mere speculation and stereotype.
Very, very good! This is exactly what we need – someone speaking calmly and correctly about the generalizations we face, but not insulting some of the stereotypes (and inadvertently hurting other innocent people). Thank you for posting this~
well said, and very helpful – thank you
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I don’t give a shit about sexual orrientation, all I care about is how you treat me/people…
As long as you treat me/people right we won’t have an issue…
I hate stereotyping and stupid questions based on them…
I’ll be honest: I’m gay, I don’t think it’s all about sex, but wouldn’t say no to it (if safe)
I’ll support anyone who needs it, and hope people will come to see that their “image” of gay, bisexuals etc. is all but correct and that there’s diversity meaning we’re not all created out of one mold…
Yes, this is right on. As a bisexual male who was married to a woman, enjoyed great sex and had a child and finally left them after 20 years and has been living monogamously with a much younger male gay partner with whom I have been having even greater sex for the last 13 years…I can speak with authority. I recommend having a change of sexual preference later in life, it’s very exciting and keeps you young!
After having been mostly gay, I eventually married at 49 and fathered a beautiful son.
I have been having great straight sex with my wife for seven years now.
Great story luv it. It so true
I’ve always believed quite adamently that the Kinsey scale is at the root of people’s misconceptions of bisexuality. In his research, Kinsey didn’t even address gender — only biological sex — nor did he actually acknowledge bisexuality as a discrete sexual orientation. On the contrary, Kinsey, represented the bisexual population within a continuum on the basis of degrees of their heterosexuality and homosexuality.
Kinsey posited that bisexuality was characteristic of innate homosexual and heterosexual attractions and behaviors — obviously leading to such oft quoted myths today as “half-gay” and “on the road to becoming gay” and of course the logical fallacies “all same-sex couples are gay” and “sex between two men or two women is gay”.
In effect, the Kinsey Scale is bisexual erasure at its finest, implying an indefinite dependence on and subordination to homosexuality. It is curious therefore why we adhere to such an outdated model. The sooner we can abandon the notion that a “scale” is accurately representative of all human sexuality, the sooner we can empower ourselves and reinforce the image of the bi community.
~Randall
Whoops, I replied to you, but did it in a separate comment down below…
As a Bisexual man, all I can say is this : I Like the person who I am with. not the sexuality of her/him
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Right on. Could not have said it better myself.
That’s an interesting point about Kinsey. I actually kind of agree and disagree.
On one hand, yes, people have a poor understanding of sexuality based on what they know of the Kinsey scale, and hence are misled into perceiving orientation as a one-dimensional scale. It pisses me off every time I see people cite it to explain bisexuality, particularly because it ignores many other dimensions (such as attraction to sex vs gender, or romantic vs sexual attraction), and is often misused to label people. It also presumes that homosexuality and heterosexuality necessarily occur in some kind of proportion, as though more of one must mean less of the other. (Personally, I can’t even directly compare my same and opposite sex attractions.) Positioning bisexuals in this way seems to be what you have an issue with.
However, Kinsey himself did not label or categorise people. He didn’t use the words “straight”, “gay” or “bisexual” at all, instead referring only to heterosexual and homosexual *behaviours*. He saw most people as being bisexual to some extent, which was probably unrealistic in itself, but certainly not bisexual erasure. I think people could learn a lot if they understood Kinsey’s points better, even if he was also wrong about many things and overly simplified the nature of sexuality.
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