Sex-Positivity – Self-Love – Starting the Revolution
Coming home after being away at college for three and a half months is always a bit of culture shock. I manage my time differently, have a completely different schedule, have to watch my language, can’t have a casual glass of red wine when I’m working through emails, and (perhaps most of all) talk about sex much less frequently.
Even though I’ve been “sexually active” since I was in high school and had P-in-V sex for the first time nearly two and a half years ago, I don’t know if my parents actually know I’m having sex. I don’t know if they know I masturbate or look at porn. They know I have boys “sleep over” sometimes, but I don’t know if they know what that actually means.
In theory, I would like my parents to know more about my sex life. I am close with my parents and have reached the point where I regard them more as mentors and friends than authority figures. I have sometimes resolved to discuss my sexual experiences more openly, and will drop hints that I hope will lead to questions and conversations where I can speak more openly. Beyond the uncertainty of how to bring it up in conversation, though, there are a couple things keeping me from discussing my sexual activity openly with my parents.
First, I think my parents and I consider sex in different ways. While I believe they would respect my choices, I think there is more of a moral component to the way they think about sex. To them, sex is never just about pleasure, but also about the intimacy that you create by having sex with someone. I get that, and think that sex can be used judiciously to enhance emotional and intellectual intimacy. But I also appreciate sex just for sex’s sake. And I definitely believe that women can and should have sex for pleasure without being labeled some nasty four- or five-letter word. As such, I’ve had a number of one-night stand situations, as well as some longer-term relationships. I’ve found both to be pleasurable and instructive experiences, but I’m not sure that my parents would be so open-minded.
Second, talking with my parents about sex makes me think about them having sex. Call me a hypocrite, but it makes me a little uncomfortable to think about my parents getting it on. Why is that? Well, perhaps because I have always considered them people with a great deal of restraint, propriety, and decorum…and the idea of them giving themselves over to their lust is a bit more than I’m willing to think about.
Nonetheless, this is one area of our relationship that I think should become more open. As I’ve found in so many other areas of my life, my parents have more to offer me in terms of advice and wisdom than I’d previously imagined. If I open myself to the conversation, I think I’ll be pleasantly surprised.