Sex-Positivity – Self-Love – Starting the Revolution
We weren’t friends, but I knew his name. He still had my number from the first weeks of freshman year, when everyone was a possible best friend. The moment we started dancing, I knew we would go home together.
It was good. Did not exceed my pretty high expectations, but was a very solid hookup. And he’s cool; a fun person to talk to. A perfect new friend recruit, or (let’s be honest) a casual hookup buddy. But then…he didn’t call me. Didn’t text me to make sure I got back to my room okay from his off-campus place at 3 in the morning. Didn’t follow up the next day, or the week after.
I was disappointed. Was it me? Was he disappointed—did I talk too much? Was it because I told him I wouldn’t have sex? Did it matter that I don’t really shave “down there”? Maybe I was too aggressive and intimidated him. Maybe he thought I was just so free and causal that I would laugh if he texted me. Maybe I shouldn’t have been so direct—told him exactly what to do, and asked him exactly what he wanted, and how. Maybe I should have been more bashful.
For a while, I was bothered. Every time I thought about it I wondered why he didn’t pursue me.
Of course, I could have done something. My sister, my friends, everyone reminded me of this. I had the power to send that email/text message or make that phone call. But here’s the thing: I didn’t know if I even wanted to.
My sister, so used to my romantic musings, always gives me the best advice. She said: “If you are seriously interested, then go for it. But don’t contact him just to feel good about the fact that he’ll respond, or to make up for your bruised ego, because then you’ll be stuck with the mess of an interested guy and your own ambivalence.” At the end of the day, I followed my sister’s advice, realizing I was looking only for a physical outlet and this particular man didn’t mean more than that to me.
There are so many possible explanations for why he just let it drop. But the truth is, I also let him drop by not following through. I saw no reason to drag out a situation when I wasn’t that into him, and maybe he did the same, taking a pretty emotionally responsible route. Of course, if it’s a completely random one night stand, then unless something amazing went down I wouldn’t expect any hookup follow-up.
But that on-the-cusp of friendship hookup is where self-confidence can meet rationality, and situations can get complicated if you don’t figure out what you want before choosing to follow up. Beyond the fact that now pursuing a friendship with him seems a little awkward, I’m pretty over it now. So if you’re considering sending that next-day text, ask yourself what my sister would say.